Well, back again with another rant.
Not exactly a rant, but I tried to make it less of a rant.
I don’t even know what I am saying
when do I ever
Anyway, before I start rambling on about god knows whatever my mind conjures up, I’ll get on with what you actually came for here
unless you came for my rambling
Wait, where are my manners. I didnt even greet you
self centered much?
there they are
So here is a step by step guide for all you folks to ensure a happy reader™
Reasons to follow this guide include:
- You and your loved ones safety
- A book is a pretty good weapon
- Chances are its a heavy paperback or a hardcover
- Then I’m sorry I’ll attend your funeral
- Prevention of World Domination
- Because that is obviously what we’re plotting in our free time
- A book has a lot of interesting ideas to stage a murder
- and sometimes you just need someone to experiment on
- In other words just follow this for your safety
1. “It’s not real”
Now, this one is the most obvious . Like every bookworm in this universe has had first hand experience with this,
In case it hasn’t happened to you, you might have heard it in variations of
~”They’re just fictional
~”Its just a book”
“Stop crying on the floor”
Why do people who don’t read feel the need to say this. Literally WHY.
Do they think that we don’t know that, *cough* I mean obviously its real, why wouldnt it be, the people of disbelief will burn in hell!
too much? okay.
Anyway in other words if you don’t say this then we are already almost halfway through to our goal of a happy reader™
2. “Go out more”
Now this is the actual worst, like what the hell do you care if I stay inside OR GO OUTSIDE.
When bookworms don’t go outside:
- Less people occupy space in places
- Because there are few people outside anyway
- Which helps the mood of people
- Creating a happy environment
why does this sound legit
- It also doesnt drain the bookworm out
- A not drained out bookworm= A happy reader™
- A happy reader™=
postponed world domination
Are you taking notes, because this is legit business people
3. ” You’re reading a book? Oh then you’re free/ you have time.”
I didnt know exactly how to write this, but what I mean to say is, the conversation will go something like this
Person: “What are you doing?”
Person: “Oh then you’re free/ you have time
which will ultimately lead to world domination
just dont do this.
4. “Yeah, but what do you do for fun?”
I can not even count how many times a person must’ve said this to me.
is it that hard to believe that god forbid a book can actually be *gasp* fun?
Like literally if you have ever said this, or personally experienced this you get what I mean, the shocked, surprised, confused and even disgusted looks people get on their faces when you say you read books for fun.
5. “Oh are you reading? what is it about?”
Now dont get me wrong, I love when someone asks me what I’m reading, but only when that person is genuinely curious. You know what I’m talking about, those pitying eyes and forced smile as the words practically choke them, “whats it about?”
Like dude, dont ask me if you dont care. I will not mind.
Literally just dont.
The second variation to this is when I’m like completely into a story, like you can tell just by looking at my face that either I’m at the climax or at a devastating part, and you choose that exact moment to come over and annoy me to tell you what the f*ck I’m reading when you dont even care.
6. “Oh I only read actual books, you know, classics.“
I personally hate this one with a special ferocity.
Like I had a friend that would call the books I read crap, and well you can probably tell why that friendship ended.
You know what a book is?
A collection of pages with words in them.
You get that?
I dont care if you read a coursebook, a textbook, a diary, a bundle of letters, YA, NA, contemporary, fantasy, classics, A book is a freaking book.
Just because its written by Emily Bronte doesnt mean its any more of a book than a Sarah J Maas book.
7. “Ugh don’t tell me you’re reading again.”
This one is the one I’ve personally experienced alot when I’m in
the dreaded social situations.
This also comes in the variation of
“Can you please put your book away.”
Can I just say:
I’ll just be sitting there at a classmates house, bored because we aren’t doing anything, and then I’ll pull out my phone and start reading, I can not even express the amount of exasperated groans I have to suffer through when they ask me what I’m doing and I answer with reading.
Like, we’re literally sitting there doing nothing, y’all are listening to some cringey AF music, or watching some video I’m not interested in, LET ME DO WHAT I AM DOING JFC, WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF ITS READING OR LISTENING TO MUSIC.
8. “Read less, socialize more”
What does this even mean?
Like my brain can not even compute the meaning of these words.
“read” and “less” are two words which aren’t supposed to be together and “socialize” and “more” aren’t supposed to be together either
why hasnt the world ended yet
I will literally punch you in the face if you tell me to do this
unless you’re my mum, then I’ll politely refuse
Anyway never say this to a reader
unless you’re an avid supporter of world domination then this is your quick guide to world domination
9. “Your favorite book is crap” or judging the book the bookworm reads
Dude, calm down.
I’ve legit had people say this to me judging the books I read, first of all stop judging me, second of all ITS MY OPINION.
I love the book.
The world would be such a better place if people just learnt to accept that.
and not that many people would be murder victims
10. “You shouldn’t have done that”
I swear this is the last one
now I’m sure you’re thinking “Wtf????? Haadiya wdym?”
But guys think.
When you’re devastated over a book, emotionally broken with no end to this misery in sight, and someone just comes up to you and says “You know what, this wouldnt be happening if you hadnt read that book”
This is the actual worst.
I am either emotionally devastated over this book because I like it or I hated it, in option A, not reading it would be the the worst case scenario and in option B, I really don’t need an opinion over something that is obvious.
Or for example when you lend someone your book and it comes back creased *cough* my copy of ACOTAR *cough* and when you’re super angry and instead of taking your side, the person you’re ranting off to goes “Maybe you shouldnt have lent the book?”
DO YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THAT
On that happy note, this was your guide to save world domination and ensure the happiness of a reader.
Also if you want world domination just do everything I told you not to you’re welcome.
and that became a little longer then expected
I was supposed to write 5 points but anyway, a thorough guide was essential wow look at them excuses
Thanks for reading